- Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be
- Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
- 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
- If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to be silent?
- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Where do forest rangers go to get away form it all?
- Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
- Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
- If You Drink, Don't Park - Accidents Cause People.
- Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
- If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
- Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
- If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
- My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
- Thank You For Pot Smoking.
- To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing.
- If At First You Don't Succeed ... blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
- Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
- If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
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