- Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
- I used to be Snow White, but I drifted...
- The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
- Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
- Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
- The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
- I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
- I put the "fun" in dysfunctional.
- All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.
- Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
- My Reality Check bounced.
- I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- The Truth is Out There. So what are you doing Here?!
- Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
- Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercise?
- I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
- You are here: X
- There's no speed limit on the Information Superhighway.
- Sweat is nature's way of showing you your muscles are crying.
- You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
- I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
- Men don't roar, women roar. Then they throw heavy objects.
- There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1) Never tell everything you know.
- Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you...
- I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
- When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?
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